Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Things You Don't Want To Hear From Your Doctor

  • *whistled intake of breath upon seeing the inch-long splinter in your big toe*
  • Yeah, that's going to need a digital block. I'm sorry, but this anesthesia's REALLY going to hurt.
  • Seriously, I don't want to build this up too much, but I don't want to lie, either, and this shot's gonna hurt.
  • You're going to feel three-to-four seconds of sharp pain and a strong burning. But then you won't feel anything! Six seconds, tops.
  • Sticking the needle into the lacerated flesh will hurt much less than going into healthy flesh.
  • That's good. Screaming is good. I hate it when people hold their breath, they just end up passing out. Just another second more.
  • (while cutting into healthy toe to remove the splinter beneath) Really? That should be totally numb right there. No, huh? Sorry.
  • REALLY? Because that whole area should be just totally numb. It should stop hurting when I put the antibiotic on it. Okay, then it will definitely stop hurting when we bandage it up and it's no longer exposed to the air. No? Well, it'll calm down eventually.
  • The pain's not subsiding at all? The pharmacy's downstairs.
BONUS! Ways You Know You're A Writer:
  • When your first thought through all the above is: "This will make really good material."
And the doctor was NOT screwing around. The shot hurt worse than the original injury and all botched attempts to remove splinter combined.


  1. Yeah, that's totally a way to tell you're a writer. Also if you get that thought when you see a disaster on TV -- "Oooo this'll go great in XYZ story" as opposed to "Oh those poor people."

    Then again, maybe that's just me.

  2. Yowza! What kind of splinter was that? A 2x4??

  3. My husband referred to it as a piece of lumber.

    Not just you, Matt. Depends on the disaster, of course, but... not just you.

  4. What the heck happened?!?!

  5. *CRINGE* Yup, you're a writer, all right.

  6. Barefoot + unfinished deck = bad idea. The splinter, sadly, was rotten wood so it just turned to pulp when grabbed with tweezers. The doc confirmed that if it had been strong hardwood, we would have likely gotten it out ourselves, but instead there was no way to remove it in one piece. Hence, cutting it out.

    Has anyone else noticed that I've been very accident-prone lately? I also gave myself a 2nd degree burn on the arm last month with a cookie sheet fresh out of the oven...

  7. Holy crap... *shudder*... I'm surprised you didn't lunge across the room and throttle the doctor! Then again, your toe probably hurt too much to do that... o_O

  8. Eek! I'm cringing. Splinters (and shots in the foot!) are the worst.

  9. Congratulations on all that excellent writing material. I guess.

  10. Toe stuff is the worst! I feel your pain...