Man, it's hard to get blogging again after an absence. Who knew?
So, to recap my various relationships with the powers-that-be in publishing:
- I am engaged to The Rejectionist. (My status as fiancée was made public in January.)
- I am having a torrid affair with Sierra Godfrey. (I forget when that started... she'll confirm it, though. WE HAVE NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED OF.)
- I may have convinced Sean Ferrell to be my literary nemesis. (SEAAAAAAAAN!!!) People will write about our literary feuds and keep our backlists from going out of print... it's going to be EPIC.
To recap my querying status:
- Still waitin' on four agents who've got the full. I sent my first query out almost one year ago, on April 15, 2009. Anyone up for a betting pool on when I'll get my answers? Put your guesses in the comments, I'll totally give a prize to whoever comes closest.
To recap my progress on my many New Year's Resolutions:
- Enjoying time with daughter? Check!
- Writing more? Check!
- Eating better? Usually!
- Working out more? Uh...
Okay, my husband's out of town this week, which means the house is a disaster and I haven't showered since he left. I should probably go do something about my hair...
HAVE YOU A LITERARY SPOUSE, BFF, OR NEMESIS? Or are you merely harboring unrequited adorations? I've already admitted to my creative crush on John Irving. You can tell me.
Ooh! I totally need a nemesis. I need one. I have a few BFFs in my CPs, but what I don't have is a NEMESIS! Who'll volunteer? Anyone? Anyone? Seriously! I'll write you into every book and have nasty things happen to you, I promise! And I'll talk smack about you in public if you promise to do the same for me. What? It's awesome for publicity, isn't it?
ReplyDeleteSend applications to me, pronto, 'cause I'm keen to get started on the trash-talking. 'Kay? 'Kay. Thx. Bai.
I have several BFFs although none of them know it one torrid affair (you!) which came about because you refused to become engaged to me due to some antiquated fear of double polygamy, although in fact that's the best part about it (not to mention the fact we're both female, and not gay, but whatevs!). I also have two secret husbands who are irrevocably in love with me, but they don't know it either.
ReplyDeleteI do not have a nemesis although by golly I'm going to have to get one now. Perhaps Simon C. Larter, who also does not have a nemesis, would like to be mine. It might work out well since I don't know anything about Simon C. Larter, which makes for an EXCELLENT nemesis. However, take caution Simon C. Larter - I am formidable! I would LOVE to talk smack about you!
Does it have to be literary or simply an artist in the world? I have TONS of those. ;)
ReplyDeleteHey, Sierra? I'd totally take you on as my nemesis, except I insist on knowing a little bit about my nemeses, and my work firewall flagged your author site as pornographic. Er... Ô.o
ReplyDeleteI'll get back to you on that... :)
Was wondering about your query status lately. Are you going nutty with waiting?
ReplyDeleteA literary nemesis is an excellent idea. Maybe I'll write some scathing reviews on Goodreads and see if I can rustle up an enemy or two.
ReplyDeleteI can't believe how long some agents have been holding on to your manuscript! Maybe you should send out another batch of queries. Since you last submitted, you've started a blog and acquired a loyal readership. That will really mean something to the agents! (As writers we like to think agents will just love our work for its own sake . . . but really they're asking themselves if they can sell your stuff. Showing that you already have a platform will give them confidence that you have a marketable "product.")
Simon and Sierra, I'm so happy for you! May your carefully-staged animosity help bring wealth and fame to you both.
ReplyDeleteCaroline, yes. NUTTY.
Rebecca, the queries have always gone out in waves, but I think I'm running out of agents who'd be a good fit for me... I'll surely take another careful look if the dream agent who's got the full says "no."
No nemesis. Yet. I'm leaving the door open for one...ha!
ReplyDeleteIn response to nemesis matchmaking ad on Twitter:
ReplyDeleteSemi-published author seeks published or unpublished nemesis for public insults, private banter, and long walks in the bittorrents. Must appreciate geek and/or British humor, abhor tweeny trending Twitter topics, and spend inordinate amounts of time online. Subscription to Word of the Day a plus.
Hmm... you don't consider Richard Simmons to be literary, do you? ;)
ReplyDeleteCarrie, the man DID write an autobiography... check out that cover photo. He's perfect for you.
ReplyDeleteMorgan, you are clearly a desirable candidate, and I certainly hope some clever author snaps you up soon!
Melissa, you just haven't met the right nemesis yet. It's smart to hold out for that perfect special someone.
ReplyDeleteDid I mention I am highly entertained? I just found your blog, and already I love it :)
ReplyDeleteKL, I think other fields of creativity are acceptable so long as you at least dabble in their field... I mean, I'm not going to have a DOCTOR nemesis, since I know f-all about medicine.
ReplyDeleteI also have a lawyer nemesis, but I won't speak of that here.
If Simon doesn't work out for me (and if he doesn't, that only proves his wickedness!), then I'm free for the rest of you as a nemesis.
ReplyDeleteI'd like to wrap up obtaining a nemesis as soon as possible, so Simon could stop tormenting me and reply, or else the position is free.
Well, as evil as it would have been to deliberately imply that your author site is actually pr0n, it's--funnily enough--true that my work firewall flagged it as such. :)
ReplyDeleteI was enjoying basking in the glow of my perceived evilness, though.
If it's a nemesis you want, honey, then it's a nemesis you've got! I'll know better how to plot your destruction after I cyberstalk you a bit... *cough* *cough*
Hey, I'm glad my site only comes up as pron....yours comes up as a snuff film. Really disgusting stuff.
ReplyDeleteThe stalking is mutual but I will advise you, I have grenades and specialize in claymore mines.
You guys are cracking me up.
ReplyDeleteHi Carrie,
ReplyDeleteFrom Hell's heart, I stab at thee... For hate's sake, I spit my last breath at thee.
I'd write more, but my stomach is trying to crawl into bathroom for the twentieth time today. Just know that I'm thinking of you and shaking my fist in nemesisy anger at you.
Have a great night!
Sean
Carrie Harris, I think Richard Simmons makes a fine nemesis. You might be able to arrange a literary dance-off or something.
ReplyDeleteCKHB, it couldn't hurt to fling your proposal out to more agents! The perfect agent is really the one who loves your work . . . and maybe that person is someone you didn't quite expect. If a new agent wants to sign you on, you can call all the other ones who are dilly-dallying and get them to beg you to give them a second chance.
Rebecca, I don't actually have a pre-picked dream agent, but I'm hoping one of the ones who has the full will turn out to BE that perfect one!
ReplyDeleteSean, thank you for taking a moment to threaten me despite your intestinal distress. See, that's the kind of commitment you want from a nemesis.
Maybe I'd write more if I had a nemesis.
ReplyDeleteBut as of now, I'm unrequited.