Assuming, that is, that you've already entered this month's fiction contest. (Go ahead. Check it out. You can come back right after.)
I've decided that this month's prize will be my coveted fudge recipe, which I won at my law school's charity auction, and which must only be passed on to people who prove their worthiness by buying it at other charity auctions, or by winning a contest. I'm serious about this. Don't hand it off to just ANYONE if you're the lucky winner.
Oh, and if you're vegan, I'll come up with a backup prize for you, just let me know.
Why have I chosen this prize? Well, last month's prize had a cool tie-in to my novel, but apparently my postal carrier hates me, because even though I sent it out weeks ago to the July winner, it was just returned to me because the stamps apparently fell off, and I'm going to have to resend it (sorry, Katie!!!), and so I figured this month I'd pick something that I could just email. Grrr.
You have until midnight Friday to submit no more than three worst first lines of your own creation. I will choose a handful of my favorites, and let my husband pick the winner.
And, just so that we have something to talk about in the comments today... are there any lines from actual published novels that stick out in your mind as being particularly bad? Please share!
I've lost all my early manuscripts so I can't do this...I'm HOPING none of my latest works has anything in it that would qualify!
ReplyDeleteOh, Steph, I'm definitely asking people to try to write something originally and actively bad just for the contest! I'm not asking for bad lines that you once thought were good...
ReplyDeleteMy own personal favorite bad line is: "The little boat floated across the placid lake exactly the way that a bowling ball wouldn't."
Sadly, I don't remember the source.
that sounds like a rip-off of Douglas Adams's minor-classic line "The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't", but it doesn't work, because the point of Adams's line is that seeing gigantic spaceships hanging in the sky would feel incongruous and disconcerting and unreal and absurd, whereas seeing little boats floating on a placid lake doesn't feel that way unless there's something quite seriously wrong with your brain
ReplyDeleteThe worst actually-existing first line is "Renowned curator Jacques Saunière staggered through the vaulted archway of the museum's Grand Gallery." In fact you don't even need the whole line; just "Renowned curator" is enough to make me think oh fuck off.
FYI to the other readers, Felix has used up his 3 entries in the contest but continues to post some seriously bad first lines HERE. I think the one about the literary agent has a shot at publication, actually.
ReplyDeleteProbably some of my earlier writing I could dig up, but I'm on my way to the library to improve my work. So I can't wait to see who your husband picks as the winner.
ReplyDeleteA secret fudge recipe is definitely a great incentive to win a contest! I wish I had the time to play along! :)
ReplyDeleteFudge recipe. MMmmmmm! I am still looking for that bad first line :)
ReplyDeleteBoy, apparently anything I write lol. Can you tell I just got a major rejection today?
ReplyDeleteI looked deep into his stormy eyes, across his stubbled G.I Joe jaw, down at his eager lips and realized, I should really twitter about this.
ReplyDeleteBJW.....you almost made me die laughing. :D
ReplyDelete